Quiet Courage
by fancythat23675
Summary: The Ponds have met their fate and now River and the Doctor are traveling together, but it isn't all that they've hoped. A series of one-shots documents their recovery, bond, romance, and drama before River meets her doom at the Library. Post Angels Take Manhattan, aka ATM. Warning: ANGSTY.
1. Silence

Quiet Courage

By fancythat23675

Disclaimer: I do not own nor will I ever own Doctor Who and its characters, aliens, inventions, and so on. Everything you see here belongs to BBC and only to the BBC, until further notice.

A/N: The only name mentioned here is River's, so if you're confused, though I doubt you will be , the character I have simply called 'he' is our wonderful time-lord buddy the Doctor, regeneration eleven. Please enjoy this story and leave a review! Reviews help me write quicker.

Chapter 1| Silence

Sometimes, if she closes her eyes just for a second, she can imagine him spinning around the console again, just like in the old days, when everything was right, and nothing was wrong. His eyes dance with light as he pulls a lever just to impress, saying, "Look at me, Ponds!" until River opens her eyes and remembers that there are no longer any Ponds left to impress.

The lights around the console seem sad now, almost foreboding, as they shine across his face, illuminating his glistening eyes. He sniffs, and rests his hand on the Time Rotor, almost expecting the old girl to start up herself, so he won't be tempted to listen for Amy's laughter, or the sound of Rory's running feet when he realizes they're going on an adventure without him. It's those things, she thinks, he misses the most—all the small things that people really miss once they can experience them no longer.

Sometimes when she's asleep he'll crawl out of their bed and open the TARDIS doors for a moment, just to be sure he hasn't forgotten them, or the universe they travelled in together. Once River caught him doing it, drifting just a few miles away from Starship UK, watching as SURREY blinked on and off in the distance.

"Why here?" she had asked him. But he had never answered.

He's just as quiet now as he was then, perhaps even a little quieter, as he pulls the lever and waits for the TARDIS to be greeted by the time vortex. The take off is silent and undisturbed, and for a moment River wonders if they've really left, until the floor shakes lightly beneath her in a chiding way. She smiles despite herself, and is reminded of a story Amy once told her, about the TARDIS coming to life and a mysterious mastermind of the name House.

She briefly wonders if the story is as wonderful as Amy told it to be.

A lonely tear falls across his face and rests at the bottom of his stick-out chin before crashing to the ground. His bottom lip trembles in defiance, and she can see the defeat in his eyes—he's tired, and he's sick, and there's nothing he can think of but them, even when there's so many other things to think of.

Without saying a word, she wraps her arms around him. His arms hover over her back for a moment, deciding whether or not to pull her closer or push her away, before falling to his sides again.

"Go on," she tells him.

His only reply is a sob that nearly rips her heart in two. And it's the only thing he says to her for weeks.


	2. The Letters

Quiet Courage

By fancythat23675

Disclaimer: I do not own nor will I ever own Doctor Who and its characters, aliens, inventions, and so on. Everything you see here belongs to BBC and only to the BBC, until further notice.

A/N: Hello everyone! I have been very pleased with the feedback for this story! Only one chapter and already so many emails saying this and that! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and/or followed this story! If you have any questions **OR CHAPTER IDEAS, **please PM me!

Thanks again and enjoy this installment of _Quiet Courage._

-fancythat23675 xx

P.S. It's my cry for help (with a kiss)!

Chapter 2| The Letters

The letters Amy wrote to him lived in a dark blue box just under their bed.

River found the box on her third day aboard the TARDIS with him. It was a small box, just big enough for a letter. In a dark corner of the wardrobe it sat, until River pulled it out one night during her search for a pink evening gown.

She handed the box to him with an unreturned smile, watching with interest as he took it, the hem of her skirt brushing across the floor in her excitement. His face was unreadable as he examined it, trying to figure out just what it could be used for. No words were spoken as Amy's afterword was plucked off the console monitor, dropped into the box, and carried away in a hurry.

There were, of course, many more letters waiting for them. The first one was given to them by hand while vacationing on the planet Roxinatiapullis, by a funny looking man in a long green coat. His fingers were dirty, and his face quite flushed, as if he had been running for a while, and hadn't been able to stop until just now. With trembling hands he gave the Doctor the letter, then abruptly turned and ran the other direction, calling behind him that he was in a desperate hurry to be somewhere.

The second letter was mailed to them while staying in a hotel along the galaxy Physikian, in a purple envelope, that had the Doctor's name and address written clearly on the back in black ink. The man at the front desk told them that a young gentleman had been there earlier and had asked to see them, but rushed out looking rather nervous when he saw the two descending the lobby steps.

There were two other letters from Earth, and one from Stormcage which had been addressed to River's old prison cell number, and several letters that were simply addressed to 'the TARDIS,' which arrived quite often. Each night she read the letters to him, and each night one was placed in the box. Sometimes they made him grin, and sometimes they made him think, but sometimes, they made him laugh, and River cherished these moments the most, for it was a sound she had not heard in such a long time. But eventually there were no longer any letters, and the happiness that seemed to have ignited inside the Doctor was extinguished. And there were no longer any smiles, but only frowns, whenever she mentioned that they hadn't received any letters in a long while.

Now, with the long-lost box in her hands, River carefully lifts the top off and peers inside, her eyes skimming over words and sentences, memories and half-forgotten days. She smiles at a few and giggles at a few others, and before she knows it she's reading them all, her sorrows forgotten. There are old ones and new ones, and some written by Rory, and others by Amy, and some written by the two of them together. There's red ink and blue ink and paper of all different colors, some with prints and others clean and simple. Each letter is a character, a reflection of Amy and Rory's day, a reminder of their continued hope and love offered towards the Doctor. Offered to them both. (A/N: here I mean both the Doctor and River. If this is confusing, please tell me!)

River soon realizes that she's finished reading them, and that she had probably call the Doctor to bed now, with how late it's gotten. Gathering the letters into her hands, she prepares to place them back into the box, but then notices a letter she did not see before, hiding at the very bottom of the pile.

To Melody Pond

The TARDIS

The address looks as if it's been written in a hurry. As if someone had scrawled it onto the envelope just before heading out to do something important. The other letters are dropped in an instant and she reaches to pick up the one with her name on it—the only one in the pile. To her relief she sees that the Doctor has not opened it, and so she opens it herself, the sound of ripping paper echoing through her bedroom.

With shaking hands, she begins to read:

My dearest Melody,

I am sorry to say that this is the end.

I have been very sick for a long time, and I regret not telling you this sooner, but I suppose I must now, since you will wonder where all our letters have gone. If I could write to you any more I would, but I don't think I'll be able to.

Please, Melody, know that we have missed you immensely and we have always wished that you could come home to us, our sweet little daughter, but we know that you can't. Know that we will always love you, Melody, and that even though you aren't the little girl we had hoped to raise, you will always be our baby, because—

But River can read no longer, when her vision is so blurred with tears. The letter falls from her hands and floats gracefully to the floor.

That night, she cries herself to sleep.


	3. Bookmarks

Quiet Courage

By fancythat23675

Disclaimer: I do not own nor will I ever own Doctor Who and its characters, aliens, inventions, and so on. Everything you see here belongs to BBC and only to the BBC, until further notice.

A/N: Oh god, where have I been? I am so terribly sorry, but I've been so busy. I promise I'll update more often now. It's just that, I don't know what to write! *sigh* please accept my lame excuse. The plot bunnies took an unexpected holiday for many weeks and didn't return until 5 minutes ago (don't worry, I disciplined them properly).

Also, I would like to apologize for any grammar mistakes before hand, and note that I am from America, and may have a bit of trouble managing British slang words. If I have screwed something up, PLEASE, do not be afraid to tell me! I welcome your advice with open arms.

Once again, I feel obliged to add that the character who is first addressed as 'he' is just the Doctor. My writing style often involves the over use of pronouns, but I like the way it sounds. If you are confused about something, feel free to PM me.

_**If you have any questions **__**OR CHAPTER IDEAS,**__**please **__**PM me! **_

Thanks again and enjoy this installment of _Quiet Courage._

-fancythat23675 xx

P.S. It's my cry for help (with a kiss)!

Chapter 3| Bookmarks

The Library was the quietest room in the TARDIS.

It was Amy's favourite room, and he knows this too, not just by assumption, but because she had told him so herself. He can remember the many days she had spent in it, reading and re-reading _A Roman History,_ her legs tucked under her, a cup of tea balanced on the arm of a couch. In all the times she had lounged in the Library, she had never bothered to put the book back, and always left it in the same spot, propped up against a frayed pillow that didn't match the sofa fabric.

He reaches the history book now, and runs his fingers over the spine. It's an old, worn-out book, and had taken a beating long before Amy's persistent use of it. The title of the book that had once been stamped across the book's cover in pride has faded—but that had never mattered to Amy, because the book had never moved. His fingers gently touch the blue bookmark that is peeking out from the pages, almost beckoning him to look, to see what it has kept in place all this time.

"So, are we going to finish it?"

He doesn't even bother to look up when he hears the familiar voice. He's accustomed to it now: the fact that River is always hovering nearby, watching him like a hawk—making sure he isn't going to break. He's not that fragile, really. But everyone else seems to think so.

"C'mon then. Read to me," she whispers. Her voice is smooth and slow, like the kind of voice someone uses when they're talking to a child, or someone who can't keep their mind straight. He wants to argue—he wants to tell her that he's not a child, and that he's not mad, and that if only she looked she might be able to see what he sees—but he can't. His anger drops as quickly as it rises.

His feet move of their own accord, and somehow he finds himself seated next to her, the book open in his lap. _Page_ _169,_ it says. _An Alliance With Cleopatra. _He smirks. How ironic.

He clears his throat. It feels sore, and dry, like he's used it too many times—which is strange, because he knows he hasn't used it at all. His lips feel cracked, and he suddenly wonders if it would be too much to ask for a drink of water.

"Doctor?"

_One more paradox!_

He blinks.

And finally, the words come to him.

He reads to River. He tells her about Cleopatra, and the boy with the crooked nose, and the Pandorica that lay silently beneath Stonehenge, waiting to capture her prey. He tells her about the end of the universe, and how with the help of a friend, the Romans saved it, and captured all the evil that came with it. And he tells her about the girl—the girl with the firey-red hair and eyes of a thousand stars. He reads, and River listens.

And the Doctor is almost certain, almost positive—that Amy is listening too.


	4. Forgiven

Quiet Courage

By fancythat23675

Disclaimer: I do not own nor will I ever own Doctor Who and its characters, aliens, inventions, and so on. Everything you see here belongs to BBC and only to the BBC, until further notice.

A/N: Yay, I'm back! Look at that! I actually managed to post something early! I hope you're all proud of me. I think my writer's block is completely gone, now. Look forward to some moving, exciting, and interesting chapters!

Also, I would like to apologize for any grammar mistakes beforehand, and note that I am from America, and may have a bit of trouble managing British slang words. If I have screwed something up, PLEASE, do not be afraid to tell me! I welcome your advice with open arms.

Once again, I feel obliged to add that the character who is first addressed as 'he' is just the Doctor (and 'her' being River). My writing style often involves the over use of pronouns, but I like the way it sounds. If you are confused about something, feel free to PM me.

_**If you have any questions **__**OR CHAPTER IDEAS,**____**please **__**PM me! **_

Thanks again and enjoy this installment of _Quiet Courage._

-fancythat23675 xx

P.S. It's my cry for help (with a kiss)

Chapter 4| Forgiven

He watches her from the doorway.

Half of him wonders if she sees him. The other half wonders if she wants to. He's never seen her like this before. He almost wishes he never had.

Her shoulders shake as grief forces its way down her throat, filling her lungs with darkness. Her sobs are lonely and pitiful, almost as if she's been alone all this time, shedding her sorrows in the corner of this room. This isn't the River he knows. Where did this one come from?

Her hands are shaking—he can see it from across the room. Her typewriter lays forgotten at her side. _An Angel's Kiss_ is propped up against it—the word _jump_ fading under the drop of a tear.

The Doctor moves towards her uncertainly, afraid she'll lash out if he gets too close, like a wild animal. She can hear him, now—now that his footsteps have grown closer. He kneels down in front of her and raises his hand to rest against her cheek. It's the first time he's done so in a very long while.

"_River?"_

She shakes her head. The Doctor desperately wants to know why she's like this—so alone, and afraid. Had she always been like this? If so, he had never noticed. River should have told him—_River would have told him_—if she felt like this, wouldn't she?

"River? What is it?"

_Please, tell me—what's wrong?_

Her eyes—so clouded with pain, weighted with responsibility—look back at him, and he can see his own concern reflected in them. She had been worried about him, all this time—even when it wasn't him who was suffering, even when it wasn't him who was faced with loss. He couldn't remember a time, when River wasn't there. He couldn't remember a day when she wasn't by his side. She was there when the nightmares plagued him, she was there to dry his tears. But when—_when _was he there _for her?_

If only he hadn't been so consumed in his grief, he might have seen what grief consumed her. If only he hadn't been so upset over his loss, he might've seen what loss had upset her. If only he had stopped for a moment, and realized what River had done for him—he could have repaid her sooner. He could've prevented _this._

_It's my fault, _he tells her.

_My fault._

Her lips quirk into a sad smile.

_I forgive you._


End file.
